Sunday, August 22, 2010


One of my very favorite things about being alive in this place and this time is our ability to reinvent ourselves. I'm at a place of change. Ah, Change, the only constant. And it is time to reinvent myself.
Some things I like, so I'm going to keep.  Others, not so much.
Due to health reasons, I'm having to close my businesses. I was face and body painting, painting pregnant tummies, making x rated balloons and clowning. 
Emotionally, I've been dealing with depression for over 2 years now. Dealing with life is sometimes difficult. Dealing with clients even more so. The prozac helps somewhat. Suicidal ideation are way down (Yeah!) but it is still difficult to leave the house on some days. Actually many days. People have always been difficult ( Asperger's is a likely diagnosis) and now they are frequently excruciating.
Physically, I'm dealing with bulging disks which have me in near constant pain and cause my toes on both feet to be numb. Oh, and there's the rotator cuff tear in my shoulder which makes the very position that I need to hold my arm in to face and body paint the most painful position possible for me. Face and body painting was very much my passion and frankly, I was VERY good at it. It was a big part of how I defined myself professionally and expressed myself artistically. I have had to make adjustments. Now the most comfortable position for me is lying down so I make art in bed amidst paint-splattered sheets as I explore mixed media. 
My 2 main focuses are getting better and making art. Actually, making art is a big part of the 'getting better' plan. I'm also trying to make healthier food choices so that I can become severely obese instead of morbidly obese. One more pound to go! Swimming helps my mood and my pain so I try to swim an hour a day at my local Y.
I'm journaling my journey because it might be useful to you, Dear Reader, or myself. Putting the weight loss stuff in writing increases my accountability.
I read many artist's blogs. The women are largely young and perky. I sometimes dislike them for those reasons. Here I am. Not young. Not perky. But as Popeye once put it, "I yam what I yam".

An excellent book about artists dealing with illness and having to change their art methods, mediums or styles is When Walls Become Doorways: Creativity and the Transforming Illness by  Tobi Zausner, artist and psychologist 

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